Pottery and wire-walking
2003-08-14 @ 2:48 p.m.
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Yesterday I was back at the pottery studio. It was great. At the suggestion of one of the owners/instructors, I made six pieces as close to just alike as I could get and kept only three of them. �Be judicious,� she warned �or you�ll wind up with a garage full of little crooked bowls.� She�s so right. I�m already looking at one of the earlier pieces I made saying �why the hell did I keep that?� It was a great idea. If I wasn�t satisfied with a piece, I just finished it and went on to the next piece. I got lots of practice on a particular type of piece (a small vase) and a couple of pretty decent pieces to keep and finish. When I had six pieces lined up, all looking very similar, I balled up three of them back into clay I can use again. Next time I think I�ll do the same thing with bowls. The only thing I don�t like about pottery is having to drive across town to do it. I prefer to do my crafts at home, but this is going to be an expensive hobby to set up at home.
Our beach vacation is coming up in only two weeks and I�m having trouble getting excited about it. By this time I usually have several lists of things to pack: clothing, books, kitchen supplies, craft supplies. So far I haven�t really thought that far into it. I have looked up bead stores on line and picked out 2 or 3 to visit while I�m there. I got excited about that for a couple of days, but it didn�t stay with me long. My problem is that I don�t know what to expect.
I�ve been told that I need to learn to enjoy the moment as it happens. But I�m not really made that way. I like to enjoy the anticipation if I know something good is going to happen. If I don�t know what to expect, then I worry. It�s just who I am. I�m also concerned about setting myself up to get hurt again. Even if I have a fantastic week, how will things be when I get back? I�m sure that I could be told I worry too much, but I�ve been in the habit of being concerned for my emotional future all my life. I don�t think I�m going to change now. I�ve tried. For me, not knowing what to expect, at least in some small way, feels kinda like walking a tight rope without a net. But here I am, knees wobbling while the wire sways under me. I�m walking carefully, a little at a time, trying not to fall. The things we do for love.
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