Sex, drugs and Scooby snacks
2002-11-04 @ 6:48 p.m.
�
Jake and I did get to talk yesterday. More importantly, we got to fuck. Oh my fucking god, did we fuck. I still have some lovely cane marks on my back, though the ones on my ass and legs are gone today. I was also rubbing my knees this afternoon and found a little soreness that reminded me of being on my knees in front of Jake's crotch, one of my favorite places in the world to be.
I say that the fucking was more important because (#1) I needed the intimate connection, and (#2) by the time I told her that I needed more attention than I was getting, it was clear that she was already aware of the problem. Okay, I said it's important to make your needs known because your lovers can't read your mind. But sometimes they know what you need because they love you and pay attention to how you are feeling; and Jake does pay attention to that sort of thing, apparently even when we aren't spending enough time together. Saying it is still important. (Though, admittedly, it's hard to say - "I need more attention than I'm getting" - right after you've been so soundly beaten and fucked.) Our conversation was short, and Jake was as supportive as I trusted she would be. The fact that we were skin to skin in afterglow made the moment even sweeter for me.
****
Today was my last therapy session for a while. The first time I quit going to therapy, I thought it was forever. It was a very difficult decision that I agonized over until I finally decided I just couldn't afford it anymore at the time. Now I know that my therapist is always there when I need her. I have done a lot of work this summer. I have more self-respect; I am more in control of my own life and decisions; I feel stronger than I ever have. I decided that I have a good foundation to build on, so I'm going to build. When I get to the point again that I need more than the family should have to provide, I will go back. My therapist compared it to visiting supportive parents when you need them. Since I don't have the kind of parents who provide that kind of support, I have a therapist. When I get to my next major turning point, she'll be there.
****
More than one person has said they see me as the glue that holds this family together, or something along those lines. I am flattered, and I do see myself as an important nurturing influence. But we all work very hard to make this family a success. Just today I thought about how much Sara is a strong backbone for the family when we need it. She was there for Badsnake when Bad needed shoring up, helping her regenerate the strength she needed to be my rock. I know that this summer was almost as difficult for my family as it was for me (I'm not saying I'm not worth it, 'cause I am). Bad was there night and day holding me while I cried, and that was a drain on her. Jake patiently fielded my fears and concerns, reminding me every time I needed to hear it (and that was a lot) how much she loved me and that she would always be there for me. Sara was also there, pouring encouragement, comfort and energy into Jake when her resources got low. She also listened to me many times, reminding me of the love that surrounds me and of my own personal worth. There have been times in the past when Sara has questioned her role in the family, and I want to make sure that she knows I appreciate how important she has been to me this summer. Now that my drugs have kicked in and my problems and issues look more realistic, we may be able to relax a little for a while until the next time we need to lock arms against some kind of trouble. The demons don't have a chance against this Scooby Gang.
�
Selling vulva vases! - 8:25 p.m. , 2005-05-13 Dapper dicks - 8:21 p.m. , 2005-05-09 A breezy night in Georgia - 9:12 p.m. , 2005-04-28 Things that go bump in the night - 12:46 p.m. , 2005-04-26 Evil-doer, you face the Tick! - 3:31 p.m. , 2005-04-15