Self-actualizing Slut
2002-05-29 @ 9:45 a.m.
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Yesterday I went to my least favorite gay and lesbian bookstore. Unfortunately it happens to be the one here in Atlanta. There is a very good women's bookstore here, but they were out of The Ethical Slut, and I had to have a copy. Now! So on the way home, I stopped and they had it. I also bought the fourth book in the Marketplace series (S/M fantasy novels by Laura Antinou). I didn't even know there was a fourth book! I'm looking forward to reading it.
But for now I'm reading The Ethical Slut. I've put aside the wine books, the gardening book, even the really good novel I've been reading. It seems like a really good time to re-read The Ethical Slut. Of course, there isn't a bad time to read it. I know that Badsnake has mentioned the book before in her diary, but let me just add - Get it! If you are a proud slut, if you are polyamorous or thinking about it, or just curious, it's a great book. Also good is a book called Polyamory by Deborah Anapole. I may re-read that one next. Both books approach polyamory from as many perspectives as they can - hetero, bi, lesbian, gay, even trannie (transexual).
It's not that I think I need a refresher in being a slut or in being ethical. One might assume that the focus of the books is on how to treat your lovers ethically, and that's pretty close to right. But I usually need to be reminded of how to treat myself ethically, and the books help with that also.
Last night Bad and I ordered Chinese take-out. After dinner she read my fortune cookie to me - "Treat others as you treat yourself." Bad said, at the same tiime I was thinking it, my fortune should read - "treat yourself as you would treat others."
Yes, I live to serve and all that. And I do truly enjoy servitude. But sometimes even a bottom has to take up for herself. The Ethical Slut also reminds us how to do that - how to show ourselves respect as well as we do our lovers.
What do I need out of this? The book asked me that question, and I'm still working on an answer.
It is a reality check for me. What is it realistic to expect from other people? What is it realistic to expect from myself? I'm going to have to know that soon and feel pretty comfortable about my ability to ask for what I need. I'm going to need to negotiate and strategize for myself instead of relying on Daddy to take care of it for me. Every once in a while a girl has to do that. So I'm brushing up.
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