Diaryland as Calming Influence
2002-05-22 @ 4:00 a.m.
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Deb at work
I don't usually try to do an entry at work because I'm the only one in this tiny office in back of the store, and when I'm not checking store e-mail it's pretty obvious to anyone who walks in. So I keep the mouse near the button that closes this window and opens the one that looks like I'm working. No one else out there does anything like that, I'm sure.
I seem to have a strong sensitivity to people's feelings. I pick up things even when they don't tell me how they're feeling. Sometimes I'm wrong, but I think I'm usually right. It comes in handy when I need to tread lightly around a beloved family member or when someone needs a big hug or a quiet listening ear.
But then sometimes it's a real pain in the ass. Like when my boss, who's prone to temper tantrums over the most ridiculous things, is trying to keep from yelling at me. He has gotten a lot better at not going off on me for something stupid he should have kept to himself. I think sometime about a year ago he figured out that if he didn't chill out I might not be here much longer. He was right. And I guarantee he wouldn't like that very much. Even if he doesn't tell me so, I know he would have a hard time doing without me at this point. So he's been a lot more careful about pointing his tantrums in my direction. It probably didn't hurt that I've yelled back at him a couple of times.
But when he's holding it in, I can still feel it. I feel it when he's directing his bile at my co-workers, too. It stresses me just to be in the same room when he's in one of his grumpy, grumbly moods. One of my co-workers, who's been here about as long as I have (a long time) can let the shit just roll right off of him. I can't do that very well. I absorb way too much of it.
So I've been trying to practice just walking away from it, taking deep breaths, focusing on something else.
Like the store e-mail. Fortunately he knows next to nothing about computers and less about the internet. He has no clue how long it should take me to do the few tasks I have to do. So I chill out by reading diaries and checking my e-mail. And once even shopping for corsets. I had to be really careful about that one. He's a terrible sexist pig. He would have enjoyed walking in on that way too much.
So he's been in a snit today, and I keep hoping someone will take him out for a few beers - his favorite thing to do on a pretty day like this. In the meantime I'm getting in a lot of diary time.
By the way, if Badsnake sent you, check out Book List One in my older entries. I haven't checked to be sure what's still available, but soon I'll put up a whole new list of erotica and let you know for sure what can still be had off the first list.
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