Depression exposed
2004-01-21 @ 9:50 a.m.
�
Read the last year and a half of my life as an experiment in drugs and dosages. Sure I've had some periods of sanity and happiness, but I've also had some bouts of irrational, depression filtered craziness.
During the times that I have complained to Jake that she wouldn't talk to me I have been not listening to the things that she was trying to tell me and misinterpreting a lot of what I did hear. Badsnake has stuck with me through the deepest part of the pain, but she sometimes made the mistake of feeling my pain instead of helping me interpret it. Sara has often given me perspective in times when I was ready to hear it. And regardless of what you might think, Anat has been a good and generous friend.
When one is in the middle of a depressive episode - and by that I mean the times when the chemicals in your head take over and inflate your disappointments and desires into what feels like potentially life-threatening issues - you don't realize that it is the depression that is in control. Think of the depression as a hypnotic devil who convinces you that the difficulties in your life are 100 times worse than they are and that the people in your life who love you can't be trusted to give you what you need. Don't trust that devil! He is a great deceiver. Trust your therapist and the people who love you.
I think I need to take a break from airing my feelings in Diaryland because I've made my own struggles so public that I take the audience into consideration in my plans. I hope I will continue to share recipes and wine with you. That has been my favorite part of this process.
From here on out I am trusting my own heart and the people who love me. If I am stuck in another series of drug experiments, they will tell me not to trust the devil. For now, patience is my mantra in the process of growing and learning to trust myself.
�
Selling vulva vases! - 8:25 p.m. , 2005-05-13 Dapper dicks - 8:21 p.m. , 2005-05-09 A breezy night in Georgia - 9:12 p.m. , 2005-04-28 Things that go bump in the night - 12:46 p.m. , 2005-04-26 Evil-doer, you face the Tick! - 3:31 p.m. , 2005-04-15