Home on the Ranch
2003-07-24 @ 4:43 p.m.
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My latest craft projects have all been sex toys. After going to Leatherfest with Anat last month and seeing things I knew I could make, I�ve been on a roll. I�ve made hair floggers and a couple of different kinds of beaded floggers. Last Saturday night at the Club, Anat used her hair and beaded floggers on me. I like them! I�ve also found a place to order shoe laces wholesale to make a shoe lace flogger, something we saw at the club � actually something that�s been used on us at the Club. She liked it; I didn�t. It feels like someone is throwing needles at you. But she wants one, and it will be easy to make.
There was someone selling toys at the Club Saturday who had a flogger made of nylon strands that were burned at the ends. He was kind enough to demonstrate it on me and I liked it so much I've been out shopping for cord to try to replicate it. A couple of days ago at the craft store, the cashier said "so much cord, what are you doing with all this cord?" She didn't really want to know.
I�m still doing beaded projects, jewelry and cigar boxes, but the sex toys seem to be taking precedent. Wonder why? If I let myself, I could become a nymphomaniac. It�s not that I think there�s anything wrong with that. That isn�t why I don�t let myself. But I�m still not a very good judge of who�s good for me. I�m getting better at picking out potential playmates. But I don�t want to push it. Also, there is so much else to do. I like doing my crafts projects, cooking, working in my gardens, reading and playing with my dog. In fact it seems like maybe I haven�t been spending enough time at home lately.
I�m enjoying the time I spend out with friends, especially the time I spend at the Club getting beaten and watching other mostly-naked people play. But I used to have a lot more down time at home doing things like sitting on the deck and reading or doing my nails. It�s pretty hot right now for sitting on the deck, but I could be sitting on the porch in the shade, or in the reading room reading or doing crafts. I think I need more quiet time.
I�ve been staying busy because I don�t want to get depressed from sitting around at home waiting for Jake to say she wants to spend time with me. But I think maybe I�m over that waiting phase. I have things I want to do at home, whether she is around and interested in seeing me or not. I like being at home. I�ve put a lot of energy in creating a beautiful space for myself and I want to spend more time in it. I used to look forward to going home so much that I could feel myself relax just from walking into my yard. I would get in the car in the morning to go to work and look around at all the pretty flowers and think about how much I was looking forward to coming back home that afternoon. For the last few months it seems I�ve been just as happy to be out somewhere than at my home. I want to feel that comfortable and contented in my home space again. So it�s time to take it back, I guess. Part of the joy of home for me has always been having my girls around me, and lately we don�t spend nearly as much time together as we used to. But I can enjoy the compound with or without the girls, and maybe if I�m home more often they�ll begin to feel safe and comfortable around me again and gravitate back to me. Even if they don�t, I want the contentment of my nest back again. I am basically a homebody and I like it that way.
I�ve been enjoying the Club and connecting with my sexuality in a new way. I probably won�t cut back on that so much. But otherwise, it�s time to slow down a bit and reconnect with my home.
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